Revolutionary Girl
by yumi michiyo
Summary: Elsa needs a new captain of the castle guard. Anna volunteers. Chaos ensues.


"Your Majesty?"

"Hmm?" Elsa looked up from the paperwork that was essentially her queenship. Unlike most perceptions (Anna's, mostly), governance was deadly dull and consisted of administrative work and decision-making that nobody wanted the responsibility for.

And hence, she was glad for any respite from it.

Ragnar, the strapping Dane that served as the captain of the castle guard, came in and bowed. "Your Majesty, I've come to bid you farewell."

"Oh. Yes." With a sinking feeling, the young queen recalled that he had submitted notice a month before, citing a need to return home to Denmark to be with family. "Thank you for coming. Your service has been invaluable to me, and my father."

The corners of his eyes crinkled in a smile; a rare expression from the stern man. "It has been a pleasure, Queen Elsa." He stooped to kiss her hand; with a last bow, he was gone.

Belatedly, Elsa realized that, although Ragnar had spent the last month wrapping up his affairs, he had yet to appoint a successor.

The task of which now fell to her.

"Kai," she said.

The steward appeared. "My queen."

"Draft a notice for me, informing the people we have an opening for a new captain of the guard."

As he bowed his way out of the room, Elsa felt relieved to have resolved that particular matter so fast.

If only she knew how wrong she was.

* * *

_It looks very professional_, thought Elsa as she surveyed the finished notice. Kai had done a good job of listing the desired attributes of the successful applicant, enumerated the requirements of the job, and invited interested parties to have an audience with Her Majesty the Queen.

All it needed now was her signature, and they could post it in the market square.

"Elsa!"

Anna burst in through the doors, flushed and panting slightly. She was followed by Kristoff, whose mildly exasperated expression quickly morphed into panic when he saw the startled queen.

"Oh-I'm-so-glad-I-found-you! Okay-look-if-you-hear-a-commotion-coming-from-the-corridor, it-was-an-accident-I-didn't-mean-to – ooh, what's that?"

Elsa blinked. "I didn't catch all that, and I'm afraid to ask."

Kristoff looked like he was suppressing laughter. "Wise decision, Qu – Elsa."

Anna craned her neck, trying to read the notice. The blonde held it out for her.

"This? Ragnar left, so I need to look for a new captain of the guard."

"Ragnar? Oh, right." Anna smoothed down her skirt – Elsa caught her surreptitiously wiping away a blackish mark – and smiled serenely. "He's a really nice guy. It's a shame he left."

"Indeed."

"But anyway, you don't need that notice anymore!"

"… what? Why?"

The princess puffed up her chest proudly. "Because you've got your new captain right here."

Elsa stared at her for about ten seconds, and then exchanged looks with Kristoff. Both then burst into laughter.

Anna scowled.

"Okay, could you repeat that again? I might not have heard you properly the first time," said Elsa, once she had calmed down sufficiently.

Anna puffed up again. "I said, _I'm_ your new captain of the guard."

The queen rubbed the bridge of her nose. "Anna. You can't be serious."

"I am totally serious!" she insisted. "I can do this!"

"Oh, really?" Elsa picked up the notice and started reading out the requirements of the position.

"'Must be skilled at arms'."

"Kristoff and I fought off wolves. I brained one with his lute."

Kristoff snorted. "You destroyed my sleigh, and you also nearly set me on fire."

"You're still sore about that? Anyway, it's kinda hard to steer a sleigh when you're fighting off wolves. Just saying," she pouted. "Also, just for the record, I _nearly_ set you on fire, but I didn't. There's a difference."

"Of about an inch off the top," he said, demonstrating with a hand. "That much difference between Kristoff, and no Kristoff."

Elsa blinked. "You didn't tell me about that..."

Kristoff glanced at her, and then back at Anna. "Wait, didn't you explain the circumstances that led to the replacement of my sleigh?"

Under the intense scrutiny of both, the redhead grinned sheepishly. "No... I just told Elsa I owed you a sleigh, period."

"To be precise, she burst into my room in the middle of the night, saying something about how she promised Kristoff she'd replace his sleigh and lute," said Elsa dryly. "To which my first question was, "Who's Kristoff?""

His eyes widened. "You didn't even tell her_ who_ I was?"

"I didn't really have the time to make introductions, considering Elsa threw us out the first time she saw you!" Anna protested. "Anyway, let's not get sidetracked! We exchanged banter while fighting! Only awesome fighters do that!" Anna folded her arms across her chest. "Honestly, haven't you read Flynn Rider?"

"Not as much as you have," Elsa said with a smile, and shook her head. "'Unarmed combat skills desirable'," she read aloud.

Anna nodded sagely. "I accidentally-on-purpose beheaded Olaf with a kick when he surprised me. And of course, there's that sucker punch I gave what-his-face-sideburns." She mimed the kick, rounding off with a punch – and 'eep'ed when she overbalanced into Kristoff's arms.

"That _was_ a pretty good punch," said Kristoff admiringly. "Though I wished you'd let me have a crack at him." She grinned at him as she scrambled back into an upright position. "I would have given you the pieces left over after I was done with him, if he hadn't fallen into the fjord. Hey, did you notice? I put my weight into it."

"Yes, and you kept your elbow loose. Not bad for a princess."

"'Physically fit'," interrupted Elsa, raising an eyebrow. "Also, I don't think I want to know where you learnt to punch like that."

"I'm a woman of many talents," said Anna seriously. "Physical fitness is one of those talents. I climbed up the North Mountain to look for you, scaling sheer rock like a tough ol' mountain goat – or I would've, if Olaf hadn't gone and found the staircase."

"Yeah, a blind and lame mountain goat. You put your feet and hands in all the wrong places."

"Well,_ excuse_ you. No one asked _you_ for _your_ opinion," Anna huffed.

Elsa glanced at Anna and continued reading.

"'Clever and resourceful'."

"That's me!"

Kristoff and Elsa exchanged looks, and then snorted in unison.

Anna huffed. "I found Kristoff and Sven, and persuaded them to take me up the North Mountain."

"You threw carrots at me!"

Elsa blinked in mild consternation. "You threw carrots at him?"

"Not on purpose. And I apologised."

The blonde decided she would have to sit down and ask Anna exactly what had transpired while she was building her ice palace. "And then?"

"And then we met Olaf, and he took us right to your ice palace. Oh, and after you sicced Marshmallow on us? I totally got Marshmallow with a tree." She nudged Kristoff in the ribs. "You have to admit, that was good."

He rolled his eyes but smiled at her. "Okay, feisty pants. But let's not forget why he came after us in the first place; all because _somebody _couldn't let the snowman be – "

Anna turned back to her sister, determinedly ignoring Kristoff. "Also, remember that time I turned my bike into a battering ram and tried to break down your door?"

"Anna, you missed the door, fell down the stairs, and broke your arm."

"Okay, how about the time I tried to break through your window?"

"You didn't manage it, and you hung outside until someone came to cut you down."

"I didn't know that," said the ice harvester with a smirk.

"Next criteria!" said Anna hurriedly.

Still smirking, Kristoff added: "And let's not forget the fact you destroyed my sleigh."

"Destroyed your – hey! Didn't we already talk about that?"

"Yes, but while we're on the topic of Anna disasters..."

She punched his shoulder and he yelped. "That was totally uncalled for."

"'Some diplomatic skill is desirable, but not necessary'," said Elsa loudly.

"I can talk to people. I've been talking to portraits for years, so people are a total pushover." Anna put her hands on her hips, puffing out her chest. "Joan taught me everything there is to know about diplomacy."

Elsa made an odd sound that sounded like a snort. "Oh, and hitting my door with a wooden spoon is diplomacy?"

"We were at war!"

"You were trying to break in – again."

"Joan said it was a good idea! Well, much better than Geneviève's – she said that I should blockade your door and starve you out. Or set your door on fire."

Kristoff and Elsa exchanged looks. "Taking advice from paintings. That's not disturbing at all," he said, trying and failing not to look concerned by the direction the conversation was heading.

"Look who's talking, Mr. Reindeers-are-Better-than-People."

"Well, they are!"

Elsa sighed. "Back to the topic? 'Must be responsible, reliable, and first and foremost, loyal to the Queen'."

Anna wore a huge grin. "I am definitely all of those things!"

"Except the responsible and reliable part," said Elsa, rolling up the notice and leaving it on the table.

"Hey!"

"But why not. I mean, the people have got you for a princess. I'm sure their expectations aren't that high," she said with a faint smile.

Anna and Kristoff exchanged nervous glances. "… Did Elsa just make a joke? Or is she being completely serious?" said the princess in a stage-whisper.

"I wouldn't know. She's _your_ sister."

Anna opened her mouth to snap back and then paused. "Wait, what? It's official? I'm the new captain?"

"Against my better judgement," said Elsa dryly. "Try not to go mad with power."

The princess shrieked with delight, throwing her arms around her sister's neck first, and then Kristoff's.

"No offence, but I think you might want to reconsider this," muttered Kristoff over Anna's shoulder, gradually turning blue as she applied extreme pressure to his windpipe.

"I think I will, sometime in the near future," answered Elsa.

"Then why..."

Anna, oblivious to them both, was performing an impromptu song-and-dance number behind them. Elsa eyed her sister worriedly, taking her time to reply.

"Give me an honest answer, can you say 'no' to her when she pouts?"

"... no."

"Thought so."

* * *

"Anna, _what_ are you doing?"

The redhead turned around, grinning. She carried a large Viking-era sword in both hands.

"Weapons practice," she explained, attempting to casually heft the sword over her shoulder; Elsa jumped backward, narrowly avoiding a disembowelling. Anna winced.

"Oops. Sorry."

The queen raised an eyebrow. "That still doesn't give you permission to desecrate Papa's antiques."

"It's not desecration, I'm just borrowing this from Sir Eirik. He doesn't mind so long as I return this when I'm done with it."

"Anna."

"Oh, fine." The princess trailed towards the door. "If some assassin with a dagger barges into your room and tries to kill you, don't blame _me_ if I have to fend him off with _lutefisk_ because I don't know how to use a sword..."

"_Anna_."

"I'm just saying!" she said, disappearing around a corner.

Elsa suppressed a groan. "I've created a monster…"

* * *

The next night, Elsa woke suddenly. She felt uneasy, as though something was amiss...

Then she heard the gentle snores from beside her.

Anna was sprawled beside her, fast asleep. Elsa sighed.

"Anna, wake up."

"Five more minutes..." she mumbled. A trickle of saliva marked her cheek.

The queen placed her hand on her sister's neck in response. Anna shrieked. "Cold!"

Elsa folded her arms across her chest. "What are you doing in my bed?"

Anna grinned. "Protecting you!"

"... protecting me."

She waved loftily. "Yep. You never know – there could be an axe-wielding maniac lurking around. I'm just here to make sure you're safe."

"By sneaking into my bed in the middle of the night."

"Yes. Pay attention."

Elsa rubbed slow circles over her temples, trying her best to absorb the situation. She could feel a headache coming on. "Anna, I don't need protection. For one, I have _ice powers_."

"Well, what happens if somebody with fire powers breaks in?" said Anna without batting an eyelid. "That's where I come in!"

"You're the Princess of Arendelle and soon-to-be captain of the castle guard, not my personal bodyguard. Also, I'm pretty sure I'm not tyrannical enough to worry about constant attempts on my life."

"I still need to ensure your safety!" Her gaze strayed down to Elsa's flimsy nightgown. "I mean, that gown of yours could have been poisoned. Maybe you should take it off and let me check..."

"Out."

"But – "

The temperature dropped significantly. Anna took the hint and scrambled out of bed, muttering under her breath.

* * *

Elsa had been in and out of the castle the entire day, performing her royal duties – and had yet to see Anna.

She was concerned.

"Anna?" she called, walking through the corridors, investigating her sister's favourite spots – or more accurately, the ones she knew of. No Anna creating havoc in the kitchens. No Anna in her own room, or outside her door. Sir Eirik had his armour and weapons intact.

"Atten-_shun_!"

Anna's voice, though a little muffled. _It's coming from the inner gardens_. She walked over to the entrance, almost afraid of what she would find.

Anna stood in front of a few fuzzy yellow ducklings. She beamed when she saw her older sister. "Oh, hey, Elsa! I was just reviewing the troops."

"Reviewing the troops," Elsa said in a voice that strongly suggested she feared for her sister's sanity.

She shrugged. "So they're a little small. Big deal. Look at them!" Anna held up a duckling. "They're so cute! No one would ever suspect them of being anything but juvenile water birds! They're perfect undercover operatives!"

"Anna, those are _ducklings_."

Her sister ignored her. "Look, I've taught them how to march in formation!"

Arendelle's Crown Princess set off at a steady pace around the pond, trailed by a line of ducklings making peeping noises.

The young queen stood motionless.

"We're working on attack strategies and flanking tactics next," Anna informed her. "Meanwhile, you can inspect the troops if you want." A small duckling was proffered. "This is Private First-Class Beziers," she said proudly. "Private, salute!"

Private Beziers quacked. Anna beamed.

"I think I'll pass on the inspection," said Elsa faintly.

* * *

Anna was up bright and early on the first day of the job – or at least to her own standards.

First was the inspection. Elsa accompanied her for the little ceremony to invest her with the authority of her new station.

The guards – burly, taciturn, and loyal to a fault – showed no surprise whatsoever to see their princess – and now captain – march ahead of them, her face set.

"Guards!" she said, and winced when she realized it came out an octave too high. "Guards. Uh – good morning. Previously I have been – actually still am – your princess. But today – and from now on – you will address me as Captain Anna. Or just Captain."

They saluted.

"And my first order of the day, is to – uh – do whatever guarding you guys normally do."

The guards didn't blink an eyelid.

"… You can go now."

They marched out solemnly.

Anna watched them go, the smart peak of her cap looking like it was drooping a little. "That was a whole lot more – _underwhelming_, than I'd thought it'll be."

Elsa was doing her best to suppress less-than-queenly giggles behind her hand. "Ragnar trained them well."

"Yeah, but I thought it would be a little more exciting."

"What do you mean, exciting?"

The princess shrugged, causing her cap to fall down over her eyes. "You know – with people trying to sneak in and assassinate you. And invading armies battering down the gates. Oh, and swashbuckling thieves trying to whisk away the crown jewels!"

"Real life is a little more mundane than storybooks, Anna," said Elsa patiently. "The most excitement we've had in years was my coronation, and you know how that turned out."

"_That_ was the most exciting weekend of my life."

The queen rolled her eyes. "Glad you think so. Anyway, I need to get back to work. See you later, Anna – oh, I meant – Captain."

Anna snapped a brisk salute – and knocked her hat off. "Eep!" As she scrambled to pick it up and jam it back on her head, the queen's shoulders shook with suppressed mirth.

* * *

Kristoff came back early that day, just to see Anna at work.

Or more accurately, see Anna trying to work.

"What are you doing?"

Anna, her hat and jacket gone, was climbing the castle walls, clinging to the bricks. "Oh! Hi, Kristoff!" She shifted her foot so she could free a hand to wave at him. "I'm – oof! – just checking for any – guh! – possible invasion points!"

"You're gonna fall!" A slightly panicked look in his eyes, he followed her closely, arms held out in case Anna decided another trust fall was in order.

"I will if you keep distracting me!" She shimmied across a windowsill and gave a triumphant laugh.

To Kristoff, it sounded maniacal.

"Anna!"

"Oh, stop worrying," she scoffed, hopping onto a flat roof and plopping down. Her boots swung as she leaned back. "I do this all the time."

"What, have a persistent death wish?"

"Very funny."

* * *

Elsa, exhausted from a long day of signing writs, was looking forward to her afternoon tea. Gerda had brought it in earlier; Darjeeling, with chocolates on the side.

_I'll just finish skimming this document_, she promised herself, _and then I'll have one chocolate_. She decided on the white one with an almond on the top.

The task seemed so much faster with the promise of a treat at the end. Setting down the paper, she reached for the chocolate –

– to find it already gone.

"Wait, what?"

A faint rustling interrupted her despair; the queen narrowed her eyes. She stood and stalked over to the curtains, yanking them from the window –

– to reveal the captain of the castle guard, her cheeks bulging.

"Um. Hi, Elsa!" said Anna cheerfully.

"Anna. What are you doing there?" Elsa's gaze dropped to the hands hidden behind her sister's back, and returned to her face.

More specifically, her cheeks.

Anna swallowed. "I was checking them for poison."

"Poison."

"Yep. Can't be too careful." Very slowly, she began edging towards the door. "Well, seems like they're alright. I think I should go back to patrolling the castle..."

Elsa's hands began to ice over; Anna gulped.

* * *

There was a cold spell that quickly dissipated; Kristoff had no idea what had transpired but had a pretty good inkling of what to do next.

"Hey." He sat down beside a gloomy-looking Anna, frost still clinging to her hair and clothes. "What happened?"

"I quit being captain," she mumbled, trying and failing to defrost one braid.

"You quit? Why?"

"It was either that, or no chocolate."

"... You chose chocolate over your job?"

"To be honest, it wasn't too difficult." Anna nodded at the ducklings swimming in the pond nearby. "I still have an army."


End file.
